Saturday, 20 September 2014

Giving Up Work to Write My First Novel

I have decided to stop working full-time in an office prison in order to become a proper writer.

At last I will be able to share my important thoughts with a vast audience of people.

I have no need to attend some graduate course in writing, learn and study for many years and find an editor and publisher.  My brand of writing comes from the heart and soul and will be ideal for a quick Kindle or seventeen.

I plan to document this fascinating journey for the benefit of others who may be tempted to become quill men and women of their own.

Here is the diary so far:


Monday

I am not going in to work today. Have told boss to shove it. Well, I mailed in and said I had a cold.

The reason being that from today I am going to live my own life without restriction, wife permitting of course.

No more shackles of the nine to five.

I am going to work from six in the morning to three the following morning on writing my great book, and I am going to do that every day.

...

Broke off at midday after spending the morning on Facebook and stirring up a row on the forums. Wife has taken opportunity to draw up a list of jobs I can do as I am at home. Tried explaining the creative process to her, the need to channel my energy into thoughts. With hindsight that was a mistake.

Tuesday

I arose at ten and emailed the office telling them that my ‘cold’ was no better.

Logged in and have been banned from the forums. Did Facebook stuff until lunchtime. Sausages, bacon, eggs and fried bread. That would have made a great brunch but as it is midweek could only find Coco Pops in the cupboard.

Completed first page of masterpiece. Mainly a dedication to those I hold dear or owe money to. Cried briefly until wife asked if my allergy had returned.

I am sure this novel will be a winner.

Wednesday

Mailed boss. The cold I referred to earlier has turned out to be a particularly severe form of Asian flu. I am working from home which means responding to emails occasionally and drinking far too much coffee.

Time to crack on with novel. Had planned to create a first work of immediate brilliance which would shock the literary world, but after three days and one page have set sights slightly lower. Need to work on plot lines and characterisation – whatever that means. Read it on an advert for a writing course. Spent morning on Facebook.

Wife has stopped cooking for me. Says she needs to concentrate on her creative process.

Thursday

No emails from work apart from one sarcastic sounding “hope you are getting better” from the boss. I responded with some typos to make it look as though I were still suffering.

Have decided that a purely fictional book would be a challenge at this stage in my writing development.  Considering writing a travelogue based on my local area. This will need to be distinctive and own brand so it doesn’t get lumped in with all those laughably amateur writing efforts from other so called authors.

Asked for advice on Facebook.

Slept on sofa.

Friday

I spent a pleasant morning taking pictures of local interest for my travel book. Afternoon in police station answering a complaint from a busy body who accused me of stalking attractive women. I explained it was for my book and they let me go after confiscating my camera.

Text only from now on, until I can afford to buy a new camera. Thinking about doing one of those “Fifty” things – best jokes, idioms, Facebook Groups. But with a new angle. The “Forty” best somethings. Could be a winner.

My first week as a full time writer is complete. It’s been a personal journey of discovery and I feel richer as a result. Slight pain in lower back from sleeping on sofa.

Saturday

Have gone back to thinking about a novel. About a struggling writer whose wife doesn’t understand him. Spent some time thinking about this, in between a very interesting thread on Facebook.

Wondered if signing up for a pornography site in the interests of research would be helpful. Unfortunately wife has taken the good credit card with her. She is visiting her mother for a few days. Said we needed a time out while I got my head out of my ass.

Sunday

Got up at 2 in the afternoon. Spent an enjoyable hour flaming wannabe authors on Facebook. What a bunch of losers.

Bought flowers and tidied house.

Two hours on the phone persuading wife that I had returned my head to rightful place. Yes, she was right all along. No, I don’t have what it takes. Yes, I would be lost without her guidance and mentoring.

Had first shower for four days.

Wife returned home, late. Changed Facebook status back to Married.

Monday

Back to office work. Who wants to be a writer anyway.


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